Better To Dump Or Be Dumped?
Monday, February 15, 2010 at 2:15AM
With Valentines Day in the rear view mirror, it's time to focus on the failing relationships. It's been years since I brought up this topic on-air and I think it's timely to bring back the issue: whether would you rather dump a boyfriend/girlfriend, or be the one that gets dumped? Personally, I swim in a pool of misery on this issue. I have always been the type that cries my eyes out when I smell breakup. I've been rejected in a relationship a few times and it is breathing death. But at the same time I can never find the strength in me to end a relationship that I know is going nowhere. I, instead, hold on to it for the sake of not seeing my other half in the same pain that I have experienced after being on the receiving end of a breakup. Even if we are obviously doomed as a couple, I care too much to put them through the misery--hence, I'll take one for the team.
So I guess that's it, I'd rather be dumped. It does have its advantages though. First of all, you get great sympathy from friends. People treat you out for free meals and you can act crummy around them (not for too long though) and they will stomach you. You also don't have to rehearse the difficult "breakup speech" you have to give to your soon-to-be ex. You'll also now have a reason to travel and shop for something that will make you feel better. And perhaps one of the best reasons to be on the receiving end of a breakup, you get to see your ex realize it was a foolish decision and try to win you back. Priceless.
View Printer Friendly Version
Email Article to Friend
Reader Comments (36)
but... what if basically as you said. if the relationship is going nowhere. isn't it hard that you kept on clinging on the things it will bring more pain and the time wasted?
It's not that I'm the bad guy here. well.. I don't know...
Love is all like war..
Heartbreak warfare.....
Love it Mo! You truly have a way with words...as for me, I think I rather be the person leaving than the one being left if I see that the relationship is doomed from the start..
It's easier that way..
Thanks again!
I had 2 past relationships and apparently my current seems like it is going no where.. I never had the courage to leave even though I knew everything don't seem right anymore (perhaps same feeling that Mo went thru). "Martyr" right?
Kahit feeling ko ayoko na and I'm running out of reasons to hold on, di ko rin magets why I can't just leave my other half.. A friend even told me, "masochist ka".. "so pathetic".. "walang amor sa sarili". . .
*sob*
I've always been the one to do the dumping. I guess I got too much pride and I'd rather be the one who packs up. Somehow it felt a lot easier to me to be called the asshole who left rather than the pouting, pining and bitter 'dumpee'. I'd take being the bad guy rather than the other person who got left emotionally naked.
Then I got my ass dumped the one time and I felt like a total asshole anyway. AND still felt like I was the bad guy because I didn't get to beat him to the punch.
Break-ups kill you whether you're the one who's ass got kicked to the curb or you're the one doing the kicking.
It's very common for men to not want to be the one to do the breaking up... but when we do it, we do it without words. We just start acting very asshole-like so the girl breaks up with us first. Women got breaking up with men down to a science... it all starts with those dreaded lines "We need to talk..."
Breakups I can handle... it's those damn excuses women give you that really piss me off.
"It's not you that's the problem... it's me!"
"I need to find myself..."
"I need some space..." (even though the guy has been living abroad for the past months)
"I think we need to grow on our own first before we move on..."
"I can't breath... (while the guy has his hands around the girl's throat)
I like your point of view on this matter Mo, makes much sense to me.
there's a study bout this. and the result showed that after some years, the "dumped" tend to be happier than the person who dumped you.
like it!
"you get to see your ex realize it was a foolish decision and try to win you back. Priceless."
sana kung totoo lng toh mo...
Hmmm… I never choose to be the dumped one, but that’s what always happens in a sense that I just don’t know how to break out of the relationship, even though I know that it’s close to its conclusion. Just like Mo said, I also want to save that person from having the same dilemma as I am having. I’m just waiting, well, I must admit that I still feel something for that person, (kaya may ngawaan blues pa rin afterwards) but I just wait; the only thing that I don’t do is to beg. The only thing that will make me have what I want and what I want for the other party is not to BEG for that person to stay, even I still want him.
Breaking up with me, means that person decided to leave me and the good and bad things he saw in me. Its affirm decision and action I was not able to do for myself; so why would I boost his pride?
At least I’m not a bad ass, I still have my pride, and I know they will think about me someday, for what a loss I become to their lives.
It never misses
I CHOSE THE PART WHERE I DUMP SOMEONE. IT HAS ALWAYS BEEN THAT WAY. I'M A GIRL & I LIKE TO BE IN CONTROL, IT ALSO APPLIES WHEN I REALLY DON'T LIKE SOMEONE. SA BF BAH OR SA BFF, GANUN TALAGA... PAG AYAW KO NA, AYAW KO NA. END OF STORY.
HEHEHHE..=))
Note from guy friend: Be gentleman enough for the girl to break up
I dont want to dump somebody coz im afraid i might regret it. kaya i wait for them to end it.
i never dumped someone before so i rather be dumped not because i'm so used to it but as you said, you gain strength and a feeling that "there are so many things that you have to get focused on so don't waste your fucking time on it.." life's too short to pay so much attention on that "freaking heartbreaks".
it's not bad to deal about it but you're not dumb to not to use your head..
when you get dumped at least you will not end up regretting or hesitating whether you have made the right choice since you are not the one who decided to end up your relationship.
im with you Mo, id rather be dumped than to hurt someone's feelings, though both are hard, Mo, is right lots of symphaty from your friends, relatives, more "libre".. hehehe ayoko maging bad sa paningin ng iba.. ;)
hahahaha! I don't agree it's better to dumped someone than the feeling of heartache because someone dumped you. It means you are the one who quit and left someone
I don't agree with PAU!!!! man should be the leader or the one who is in control in a relationship. Man are created to LEAD. sometimes man should not wait for the gurl to broke up with him because HE is just prolonging the agony on his part. and because I'm a gurl, it's good to be honest than to make me feel that your not happy in our relationship anymore.... END IF YOU WANNA END =)
ive dumped my 1st bf since i knew already that the relationship's going nowhere.. its already hard to dump someone you dont like who's courting you, what more if you'd dump someone you have emotionally invested yourself into. its twice as hard to end a relationship but nothing compares to the pain and undeniable feeling of rejection of being dumped. the scars can cut deeper & you'd be damaged for years and the recovery would be harder..see what happened to jennifer aniston? she's a total wreck now! jumping from one jerk to another! so id rather be the one doing the dumping.. at least id have more control of my emotions..